In the ancient annals of You Couldn’t Make It Up, the latest reports from what must be the weirdest wedding of the year are, true-to-form, jaw-droppingly inconceivable.

If in my piece yesterday I had speculated that Kate Middleton would go to Peter Phillips and Autumn Kelly’s nuptials tomorrow, but boyfriend Prince William would attend a Maasai ceremony in the African bush, you may have suspected my sanity.

Yet that’s what appears to be happening. Both the Mail and the Sun have brought out their top guns to hammer home the news. The Sun’s Duncan Larcombe actually filed his piece in Kenya, possibly undercover and dressed as a Maasai warrior. While the Mail’s Richard Kay and Rebecca English strut their stuff with serious quotes from inside sources.

On balance, and in the absence of more ducking and weaving, we must assume this is correct — provisionally. Where’s the fat lady when you need her?

The Mail has a senior Royal source revealing, “Prince William is going to be out of the country this weekend on a long standing prior engagement. It’s an unfortunate clash but he spoke to his cousin Peter and he is fine with the situation. His girlfriend [Kate Middleton] will be going in his absence.”

A friend of the Prince also said, “It was a difficult decision as Peter and William are very close but the two talked it through. William felt he had to go to Kenya because the Craigs asked him first and it was the fairest thing to do. That’s why William was so keen to go to Peter’s stag party last month.”

It all sounds authentic enough. However, the Sun is reporting that the decision has baffled William’s staff at Clarence House. I can believe that.

If the Maasai do is a long-standing arrangement, dating from before Peter’s announcement, why didn’t William make his excuses at the time and, crucially, let it be known in the public prints? That would have avoided the confused press headlines and pointless speculation of recent weeks.

Of course, it may be that William didn’t make up his mind until the last moment — perhaps pushed to it by the Hello! involvement, as we ourselves have suggested.

Worse, he may be taking advice from Prime Minister Gordon Brown. “Dinee decide until the last minute, laddie. That’s what I do, and look where it got me.”

Royal Anecdotes’s alternative advice is, “Never dither, never try to emulate politicians, if you’re going, go, if you’re not going, don’t. Tell the world, and stick to it.”

This business does not enhance your reputation, Sir.

One welcome enhancement, though, is Kate’s status within the Royal Family. It now seems clear that an official engagement is mapped out to upgrade the unofficial one that many of us have suspected for some time.

Updated 13.05 BST
We are hearing that there’s a lot of muttering about the private nature of tomorrow’s wedding. Many are complaining that to hold the event behind closed doors, while the only public view is through the pages of Hello! magazine, is simply not worthy of the Royal Family. This is unprecedented.

It seems that Peter and Autumn will not venture outside Windsor Castle walls. Only a small group of photographers will be allowed in to photograph them on the chapel steps. They will then take a carriage ride along a secluded route to the reception at Frogmore House, which is inside closed grounds.

This is a poor show all round. Even a “private” Royal wedding should always have an open public face, not one sold to the highest bidder.

At a ceremony at Combermere Barracks in Windsor this morning, the Princess Royal presented Afghanistan campaign medals to her nephew, Prince Harry, and 169 other members of the Household Cavalry.

Harry’s longtime girlfriend, Chelsy Davy, sat with senior members of the Royal Family, including Prince Charles, to witness the ceremony. Princess Anne was there in her capacity as Colonel of the Blues and Royals regiment.

Chelsy chatted happily with Prince William in the front row. She also attended a polo match in which William and Harry played for the Um Bongo team. On that occasion she sat next to Kate Middleton.

It seems that both Princes are now happy to parade their amours in public, suggesting a new level of commitment for the future.

Viscount Severn, the second child of Prince Edward and Sophie, the Countess of Wessex, was Christened today at Windsor in a very private ceremony.

The service took place in a private chapel at Windsor Castle.

Rt Rev David Conner, the Dean of Windsor, conducted the service. In attendance were James’s godparents Denise Poulton, Jeanye Irwin, Alastair Bruce, Duncan Bullivant and Tom Hill.

James Alexander Philip Theo is the eighth in line to the throne and the first male grandchild for the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh since Prince Harry was born 23 years ago.

There is a lot of chatter around over who will become the 1000th Knight of the Garter, the most prestigious Order in the realm.

The Queen in Garter robes

The Queen is expected to announce the name on St. George’s Day, April 23. Among the possible candidates are Tony Blair and Lord Guthrie, the former Chief of the Defence Staff.

However, Tony Blair is not a unifying candidate, and there are those who would bring up their lunches if he made it.

Wikipedia describes the Garter like this, “The Most Noble Order of the Garter is an order of chivalry, or Knighthood, originating in medieval England, and presently bestowed on recipients in any of the Commonwealth realms; it is the pinnacle of the honours system in the United Kingdom. Membership in the order is limited to the Sovereign, the Prince of Wales, and no more than twenty-four members, or Companions; the Order also comprises Supernumerary Knights and ladies (e.g., members of the British Royal Family and foreign Monarchs).”

An intriguing suggestion is that Prince William would be an easy choice for Her Majesty this time. Why not? At least it will keep Blair off the Most Noble list.

Royal Anecdotes humbly nominates Prince William to Her Majesty as the 1000th Knight of the Garter. I’m sure our readers will be equally staunch in their support.