In the ancient annals of You Couldn’t Make It Up, the latest reports from what must be the weirdest wedding of the year are, true-to-form, jaw-droppingly inconceivable.

If in my piece yesterday I had speculated that Kate Middleton would go to Peter Phillips and Autumn Kelly’s nuptials tomorrow, but boyfriend Prince William would attend a Maasai ceremony in the African bush, you may have suspected my sanity.

Yet that’s what appears to be happening. Both the Mail and the Sun have brought out their top guns to hammer home the news. The Sun’s Duncan Larcombe actually filed his piece in Kenya, possibly undercover and dressed as a Maasai warrior. While the Mail’s Richard Kay and Rebecca English strut their stuff with serious quotes from inside sources.

On balance, and in the absence of more ducking and weaving, we must assume this is correct — provisionally. Where’s the fat lady when you need her?

The Mail has a senior Royal source revealing, “Prince William is going to be out of the country this weekend on a long standing prior engagement. It’s an unfortunate clash but he spoke to his cousin Peter and he is fine with the situation. His girlfriend [Kate Middleton] will be going in his absence.”

A friend of the Prince also said, “It was a difficult decision as Peter and William are very close but the two talked it through. William felt he had to go to Kenya because the Craigs asked him first and it was the fairest thing to do. That’s why William was so keen to go to Peter’s stag party last month.”

It all sounds authentic enough. However, the Sun is reporting that the decision has baffled William’s staff at Clarence House. I can believe that.

If the Maasai do is a long-standing arrangement, dating from before Peter’s announcement, why didn’t William make his excuses at the time and, crucially, let it be known in the public prints? That would have avoided the confused press headlines and pointless speculation of recent weeks.

Of course, it may be that William didn’t make up his mind until the last moment — perhaps pushed to it by the Hello! involvement, as we ourselves have suggested.

Worse, he may be taking advice from Prime Minister Gordon Brown. “Dinee decide until the last minute, laddie. That’s what I do, and look where it got me.”

Royal Anecdotes’s alternative advice is, “Never dither, never try to emulate politicians, if you’re going, go, if you’re not going, don’t. Tell the world, and stick to it.”

This business does not enhance your reputation, Sir.

One welcome enhancement, though, is Kate’s status within the Royal Family. It now seems clear that an official engagement is mapped out to upgrade the unofficial one that many of us have suspected for some time.

Updated 13.05 BST
We are hearing that there’s a lot of muttering about the private nature of tomorrow’s wedding. Many are complaining that to hold the event behind closed doors, while the only public view is through the pages of Hello! magazine, is simply not worthy of the Royal Family. This is unprecedented.

It seems that Peter and Autumn will not venture outside Windsor Castle walls. Only a small group of photographers will be allowed in to photograph them on the chapel steps. They will then take a carriage ride along a secluded route to the reception at Frogmore House, which is inside closed grounds.

This is a poor show all round. Even a “private” Royal wedding should always have an open public face, not one sold to the highest bidder.

The People had a short piece yesterday claiming Prince William had telephoned the Queen from Birkhall, on the edge of the Balmoral estate, telling her that his week’s holiday with Kate Middleton had convinced him that Kate is “the one”.

Apparently, he intends to “propose” soon — although really the couple must have discussed this at some length by now. After they had reportedly staged a mock wedding in the Seychelles, it’s hard to know what there is to propose about.

The Queen was said to be delighted that the period of on/off dithering seems to be over.

It’s also known that William went through a period of “pretend marriage” with Jecca Craig some years ago. Clearly this Prince is determined to cover all the bases before he gives his commitment to anyone — probably a wise precaution after what his parents went through.

However, the People report begs the question, how did they know about this very personal phone call and the Queen’s reaction to it? Are they doing a News of the World? Unlikely following the jailing of that paper’s Royal editor for phone tapping.

Do they have a mole in Balmoral? That must be a possibility. Anyone who saw the film, The Queen will know how small the living quarters are there and how little privacy there is from staff.

The alternative is that they are punting this story in the hope it will prove right soon. I believe it will. Good punt. England could do with their services in the upcoming Rugby World Cup.

The Sun is saying that Kate Middleton is now seeing an old Etonian friend of Prince William, Henry Ropner. It’s not clear if this is the same man Kate was pictured with leaving the Mahiki Club last week on their way to Boujis, but there is some resemblance.

Shipping heir Henry Ropner, 25, is the former boyfriend of Jecca Craig, whom William dated after she split from him.

A source told The Sun: “Henry is delighted to be there for Kate now that she’s split from William. They’ve been meeting up and enjoying themselves. There’s been a lot of flirting. Now she’s single, Kate is enjoying Henry’s company regularly.

“Henry is very wealthy. He has moved in William’s circle for years.”

Or is he just “looking out” for Kate while William has other duties? I do wish they’d tell us.

Prince William and girlfriend, Kate Middleton, are embarking on a trip to Africa this weekend for a Bank Holiday break.

They are set to leave a wet and cool Britain behind in search of some late summer sun. According to reports, they might also be joined by William’s former flame Jecca Craig.

William and African-born Jecca have maintained a close friendship since their romance fizzled out, and the 24-year-old Prince has spent several vacations on her family’s estate in Kenya. She is now on the arm of William’s close friend, Hugh Van Cutsem.

This is one in a long line of holidays Kate has enjoyed this summer. She returned to Britain only last week from a sun-soaked break in the Caribbean after an earlier week with William on the island of Mustique.

Coming Up : A review of William’s Princess by Robert Jobson.