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Kate Middleton at Cheltenham today without William

The Queen is said to be distinctly unamused by Palace arrangements for her to open Heathrow’s new Terminal 5 today. The reason is that it’s Gold Cup day at Cheltenham, and today’s race is gripping the nation like never before.

Prince William and Kate Middleton at Cheltenham last year

Two great racehorses are set to battle out the finish in what has been called “a race to stop the nation” and compared to a planetary collision. You’d think Captain Kirk was taking on the Klingon Empire.

The two horses in question are Kauto Star and Denman, great champions in their own right who have never met on a racecourse, but who live in adjoining stable boxes and train together every day of the year. The poignancy of it has truly gripped the country, and the Queen, who loves the Sport of Kings, is all set to miss it.

“It’s a muck up,” she is reported to have exclaimed. One can’t help but think that in Henry VIII’s day it would have been done very differently.

So, we will all spend this afternoon chewing our fingers to the quick, while Her Majesty cuts a ribbon and reads a speech at London’s major airport. Mind you, the terminal is a sight to see by all accounts. The main hall alone is the length of four football pitches. But not, alas, as long as Cheltenham racecourse.

The Queen has asked for the race to be recorded. God preserve the servant who mucks up the Palace video machine and records Blue Peter instead.

Last year, we remember Prince William and Kate Middleton at Cheltenham (pictured). Kate wore sensible tweeds and was heavily criticized by the fashion buffs. It was just before their break up and the two scarcely glanced at each other.

Will they be there today? It would be the perfect opportunity for them to be photographed together for the first time since the December visit to the Somerset House ice rink.

William could also provide a running commentary for his grandmother on his mobile phone.

Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall at Cheltenham yesterday

Zara Phillips made an appearance at the racecourse yesterday, saying she can’t wait for the today’s Gold Cup. Walking out with boyfriend Mike Tindall, her outfit caused a bit of a stir drawing comparisons with a Tyrolean brass band player.

After hurricane winds the day before had cancelled the event, Zara clearly decided to put practicality before fashion. So it’s oompah to the fashionistas.

Despite the rough patches, Kate Middleton still seems odds on favourite for the fillies’ Group One Classic, The Prince William Stakes at Royal Ascot.

In recent days she appears to have forged a new relationship with the tribes of paparazzi that live in tepees outside London’s fashionable wateringholes. Some commentators are even suggesting that tame picture editors are airbrushing her shots to create a new glam icon for their front pages.

Is this wise? Is Kate going too far with her endless to-ing and fro-ing outside nightclub entrances in dresses where decolletage and hemline almost merge?

Big questions we have not ducked here at Royal Anecdotes. Today, we assemble a friendly list of ten tips for “the girl who would be Queen”.

1. Be dull — but not dreary. A future Queen should never be a follower of the wilder nightclubbing set. She should arrange her life so that no big photo opportunities occur for the paparazzi. Princes naturally shy away from overt celebrity. They don’t need it, so you don’t either. Prince William is particularly hyper-sensitive in this area.

2. Wear tweed at Cheltenham. It’s not Royal Ascot where temperatures can soar to 60F on good days. Cheltenham is bitingly cold and windy in March. Forget fashion, that’s for the London set. Out in the sticks, stick to the thick stuff. People like sensible Queens.

3. Speak occasionally. The public will not know who you are until they’ve heard your voice. A few inconsequential pleasantries to waiting journalists will do you the world of good and allow your intelligence to show through. However, don’t speak in estuary English to impress the BBC. It’s not worth impressing.

4. Avoid being associated with certain people. These include, organizers of orgies, lap dancers, mooners, all manner of pranksters and would-be court jesters.

5. Let the Prince do the chasing. He’s Army fit, so is quite capable of lifting his right arm. Don’t mollycoddle unless specifically requested to do so.

6. Don’t call him “Sir” in bed. It’s so middle class. “Prinny” is a suitable alternative and has historical precedents.

7. Never tell his secrets out of school. Small intimate incidents always look ridiculous in cold print, and can be manipulated to appear hilarious, especially to occupants of public houses.

8. Be explicit about your trajectory. When entering a room or function with camera crews in attendance, state loudly and clearly, “I’m now coming in”. When leaving, say, “I’m now going out”. This especially applies if the BBC is involved.

9. When a secret is out, let it be out. If the world and his wives and girlfriends know you are back together, don’t sit apart or pretend to be complete strangers. You will only look like prize plonkers.

10. Don’t cultivate a permatan. You’ll look like a Californian prune before you’re 40. English girls don’t tan well — or so I’m told — and being a Queen is a lifelong profession.

By Priscilla Valdez [Competition Runner-up]

According to Adam Helliker of the Sunday Express, Princes William and Harry invited their girlfriends, Kate Middleton and Chelsy Davy, to A Concert for Diana to celebrate the life of their mother, Diana, Princess of Wales on the 1st of July.

Being that is an engagement coordinated by the Princes along with other organizers and with Prince Charles in attendance, is it a sign that Kate and Chelsy are officially welcomed into the Royal fold? More importantly, will their presence overshadow the concert’s purpose: to commemorate Diana?

Both girls have increasingly proven themselves to be confidantes the Princes can trust. Kate has been praised for maintaining her discretion and support to William since their years together at St. Andrews. Even in the aftermath of William’s “passionate embrace” at Boujis with Tess Shepherd, the daughter of a Scottish farmer, Kate showed grace and poise that most aspire to at the Cheltenham races. The couple even wore coordinating tweed suits; showing, even in times of crisis, their bond is strong.

In the press, Harry and Chelsy have had a bumpier ride. There were allegations of Harry’s wandering eye with television presenter Natalie Pinkham and his hard partying. The press reported that Chelsy was often worried and upset about his ways. Lately, the couple has established they have matured and are as solid as ever. Chelsy has even cut short her gap year vacation to be with Harry before he leaves for Iraq.

Both of the girls dominate media coverage at events they attend with the Princes. Is it possible that if they choose to go to the concert, their presence will direct media attention away from Diana and onto them? Should the girls opt out of going?

Personally, I feel if the boys want their girlfriends there with them celebrating with the other concert guests — then so be it.

Will Kate and Chelsy be on stage to open the concert or present a song with their boyfriends? Probably not, but I think it’s amazing that William and Harry have found someone they can count on for support and encouragement.

Kate Middleton spent Cheltenham Gold Cup day at a lunch hosted by the Queen’s Master of the Horse, Lord Vestey. Prince William was absent, presumed training with the Army — not a bad excuse as excuses go.

Pictured in the Royal Box clearly enjoying the thrills and spills of the chase, Kate was easily the centre of attention, even among the thousands of fanatical Irish supporters who come over from the Emerald Isle each year.

Spare a thought for them today, as many will have been carried to trains in a tipsy condition, heading for the port towns of Liverpool or Swansea where ferries will take them back to their horse-mad island.

Come to think of it, Kate looks a little horse-mad too. Could her ongoing riding lessons, or conversations with horse-nut Zara Phillips, have anything to do with it?

We were not told if Kate won anything at Cheltenham, or if her boyfriend had to send extra funds in an armoured car.